


We'll never be normal

by wagamamasan



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Slice of Life, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-02-11 10:44:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12933591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wagamamasan/pseuds/wagamamasan
Summary: An attempt at a somewhat realistic relationship scenario in a completely nonsensical chronological order between Die and Toshiya that could still go anywhere and everywhere I'd like it too go.Mostly one-shots of the same couple/universe





	1. I wonder if this is what we would be like, living normal lives

**Author's Note:**

> Dear peoples of the internet.  
> This is my first fanfic ever... for the public eye that is... and I bid you to be gentle but do PLEASE leave me comments if you have any remarks good or bad (QAQ) because I really want to work on my language skills (not a native English speaker obviously.) and also I really just want to share in stories and such. 
> 
> So this is a story that I might return to as I would like it just to be short scenerio's on things that could have happened or are happening as I get updates on where the band sails off to. So it might (I hope) become a collection of short stories about the same relationship.  
> The first chapter being a kind of introduction from two different perspectives on the same scenario. 
> 
> Ok bye *shuts up now*

**-Toshiya-**

He was too focused on the paper beneath him to really care for a door opening and closing somewhere nearby. Vaguely registering the sounds of a coat being pulled off, a voice calling a soft mandatory "I'm home" before another door opened and closed.  
Toshiya finally looked up from the drawing he'd been working on, his half long black hair taking away half his view before he stroked it behind an ear, to welcome the other back home in the same obligatory fashion.  There was something different this time... something about that stupid grin on Die's face that made Toshiya's gaze linger instead of going straight back to the lines of a new design.  
'What..?' he asked, not sure whether to be annoyed or amused.  
  
'neh...nothing.' Die shrugged but unable to wipe the grin from his face. Binding his long hair up as he padded to the kitchen  on his socks to get a beer. His simple tank top a stark contrast with the flowy garments the dark haired was wearing.  
Toshiya sighed, leaning more towards feeling annoyed now and raising a brow as he stared after his lover.  Not saying a word, he just waited for Die to turn and see his face.  When he did, Die only looked more amused, stifling a small laugh.

This was not the effect Toshiya had been hoping for (disturbed as he felt in his creative thinking,) so his raised brows turned into a frown.  
'Die...'  
' _Jesus_. Chill.' Die snickered as he took a first sip from his beer and  leaned a little against the table Toshiya was working at.  
'Just that.... I wonder if this is what we would be like, living normal lives.'  
  
Toshiya blinked a little at this, not having expected this train of thought at all and slowly but surely a small smile formed on his lips too.  
'We'll never be normal.' he huffed after a few seconds of retracing their history in his mind and bend back over the table to finish up that line he had been working on.  
Die only nodded solemnly and kept silent, instead peering at what Toshiya was doing.  
'I mean...' the bassist continued while drawing on. '... _you're a fucking rockstar bitch_.' Grinning widely over  his drawing as he made the joke and laughing more loudly when Die groaned and gave him a shove.  
'You little shit... you bet your ass I am.' Die grinned as he fought with Toshiya's hands to gain power, the pencil rolling somewhere over the table before Die finally managing to grab both his wrists and pull them apart.  
'No nono...I have to  get thi-...' but Toshiya's protests were smothered in their kiss as Die pulled his wrists towards him and leaned down.  
'...this done.' he finished when it broke, smirking slightly as he looked up at the man above him, thinking Die even more handsome from this point of view with that messy updo.  
'I know.'  
A more comfortable silence now fell between them as Die let go of Toshiya's wrists and instead slipped a hand into his neck... keeping him close for just another kiss against Toshiya's temple.

  
'It's been nice though... living a rather boring life for once. You doing your job... me doing mine... coming home everyday to just the two of us. ' Die said as he took his beer with him to the sofa and stretched himself out.  
Toshiya tried to focus again on his clothing line but found it rather hard to keep his thoughts there, the sofa looked very tempting all of a sudden.  
'Aren't you bored yet?'  he asked after a few moments of unsuccessfully battling his priorities.  
'...Not really.'  
'But don't you miss it? Touring... recording... music.'  
'Well, I've still been doing that sort off... right?'

 

  
'...right.'

  
  
Probably noticing the heavy tone of that last word, Die looked back at Toshiya, holding out his arm as an invitation to join him on the sofa.  
'You miss it, don't you?'  
  
Toshiya sighed as he stood up, resolutely closing the sketchbook and letting himself fall next to Die.  
He knew he didn't have to answer that question. Die had always known how to read him like a book and give him the precise comfort he needed. It was what brought them together in the first place when Die drunkenly decided he could be Toshiya's rebound after a bad break up.   
  
'So... did you make any new songs?' Toshiya grinned, leaning close to whisper in Die's ear: 'You dirty two-timer...' Stealing a sip of Die's beer and taking a hold of the hand that was now resting on his shoulder.  
'Nah... just finished up on the last one. It's a different process with Decays,  we're still gettin' to know our dynamic.' the guitarist turned to Toshiya, his eyes glowering a little.  
'Why do you always call me out...? Everyone else has side projects too, y'know.'  
'Yea... but they're not having sex with me.' Toshiya grinned and squeezing the hand he was holding a little.  
'I'm not having sex with you right now... should I be?' Die grinned back turning towards him and letting his nose trail slightly past Toshiya's own.  
'Die...'  
'Hmn?'  The guitarist wondered as he was already letting his lips dip lower into the lean neck underneath the black hair.  
'I really have to get this done.' Toshiya sighed, but letting his hand slip into the messy bun of his lover anyway to keep him close to the sensitive skin.  
'Come on 'shiya....' Die implored '... It can wait for 5 minutes.'  
  
'5 minutes!?' gasping, he pushed Die at a distance by his shoulders and spotted the wicked grin on his lovers face.  
'Joking joking...' Die laughed '...10 minutes.'  
'Better...' Toshiya laughed back before their lips crashed together a bit more passionately this time.  Slowly getting pressed back into the sofa and feeling Die's cool tongue against his own, slightly bitter from the beer and eagerly trying to dominate the kiss.  
He'd let him this time.  
There was this strange sensation in his stomach... one that made him succumb to Die's advances. One he usually felt when Die was getting eager for him but also something else. A strange melancholy almost as if he hadn't felt it enough or as if he was trying to hold on to it before it would be gone. 

Understanding vaguely why, Toshiya let Die kiss over his neck and back to his lips before the guitarist stopped in his tracks when he noticed his lover wasn't  really there anymore.  
''Shiya... '

Hearing this little nickname, Toshiya snapped out of it, his eyes glancing into Die's and giving him a strange smile.  
   
Die sighed, smiling as well but a more honest one.  
'Shiya, Focus ok... I'm trying to turn you on here.'  Giving the lips underneath him some small kisses as he pressed his leg between Toshiya's thighs.  
'I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here, right?' Die continued as he trailed his kisses back past the bassists jaw line and ear.  
'I'll proof it.' he whispered dangerously... more a threat than a promise and it made Toshiya grin at last, shifting his head to meet with Die's lips and wrap his arms around the man's back to pull him close against him. Arching up into that leg between his own.  
Once again Die knew exactly what was going on and how to turn it around.  
  
'Shit man...' Toshiya groaned when they broke apart a little for some air.  
'What..?' Die asked with a sly grin as he shifted his weight to push down the soft fabric of Toshiya's trousers and letting his hand feel up some bare ass.  
'...I love you like crazy.' Toshiya said breathlessly, already turned on more than he should be.  
'Good... now show me how crazy.' Die demanded as his hand groped and kneaded the bulge in the designer underwear.

 

 

 

**-Die-**

 

It had been so easy for him to fall into this routine. Perhaps it wasn't much a routine for himself, he still had the changing schedule of being in a band but at least he could count on Toshiya being home and most importantly... alone.  
Although his bassist had some meetings and designing to do he made sure to even limit his phone calls when Die got home so they'd have decent time together. This all based on a promise Toshiya had made a disgruntled Die after their last tour, where their relationship had no room to exist in the small confines of the tour bus.

It had been bliss for a while but Die noticed that, as of late, Toshiya  hadn't been his usual cheery self. He knew this guy could change moods within a heartbeat but it wasn't like him to linger on a specific emotion for longer than a day or two... and now it had been two weeks.

Somehow he wasn't worried. He knew exactly what was going on and that it was for his sake that Toshiya refrained from confronting Die with his restlessness.   
As he walked home he considered this with a goofy grin on his face, realizing how damn lucky he actually was.   
It took him a good while to get to that point. It had been a few years now but when they started out Die had no idea what it meant to be in this sort of relationship.  
Not even with a woman... let alone a man.

Toshiya had been more lean and lanky back in the days, easy to confuse with the beauty of women with that gorgeous face of his. Therefore Die felt confident enough, especially after a couple of beers, that he could get it up for Toshiya who had been ranting about needing rebound sex after some guy cheated on him.  
Not only could he get it up, the sex had been so good that it got him sober enough to realize; this was way better than any straight sex he ever had. Toshiya knew exactly what he wanted, which buttons to press... what thoughts he had.  It scared him to no end and for almost half a year Toshiya had to struggle to get Die to even look at him properly.  
Only when Toshiya gave up his attempts to remain friendly did he realize what it would mean to lose the bassist. Not only the band would suffer... but he wouldn't have that face to glance at every now and then. He'd have to miss that crooked smile, their silly jokes, that soft scent the bassist admitted that was so strangely seductive...  
And thus, slowly but surely,  they had grown into what they were now.

There was nothing crooked about that smile anymore... nothing lanky about Toshiya's figure. His muscled shoulders where more manly than Die would ever be able to grow them...but that beautiful face was still something out of this earth.  Toshiya could still make his heart stop at a mere glance.

With this on his mind he kicked off his shoes, hung up his coat and entered their home with that same goofy grin still plastered on his face.  
He noticed Toshiya's mood at once but only found it endearing as he had just established he was sitting it out for Die's sake.

'What?' The bassist asked, noticing his grin and Die knew he wouldn't be able to really convey that he was happy just because Toshiya found it in him to adjust his own life for Die's sake.  
'Shiya would probably get even more annoyed and tell him something sarcastic like: "well at least there's someone getting something out of all this" Die thought to himself.  
  
'Neh... nothing.' He replied therefore and went to get his beer, spotting the man's face when he turned away from the fridge and unable to hold back a chuckle at the sarcastically raised brow.  
Predictable... but that was also something he'd keep for himself.

'Die...'  
Hearing the annoyed tone, Die pushed himself away from the kitchen counter and towards the table.  
' _Jesus_. Chill.' Die snickered  and took a sip of beer, leaning against the table his lover was working at and crossing his legs. Deciding on what to tell him.  
'Just that.... I wonder if this is what we would be like, living normal lives.'

It was a rather homely scene and with Toshiya acting like he got his panties in a bunch it became even more domestic.

He knew he said the right thing when he saw those sexy shoulders relax, a small tiny smile appearing in the deep corners of those pretty lips.  
'We'll never be normal' Toshiya said smartly as he continued to work, leaving Die nodding and trailing away with his thoughts on how sexy this man was, doing something as simple like designing a shirt.  
Well... it wasn't his idea of simple but Toshiya made it look that way.  
'I mean...' the bassist continued while drawing on, having Die rip away from his thoughts that were taking a dirty turn, '... _you're a fucking rockstar bitch_.'  
  
Die gasped soundlessly, unnoticed by the bassist but he could feel the grin emanating from Toshiya's posture.  He groaned at the man's shady humor before setting his beer aside to retaliate.  
'You little shit...' Die grinned as he gave his lover a push and grabbed for his wrists to make him stop drawing. '...You bet your ass I am!'  
Managing to grab a hold of said wrists, which was a lot harder to do compared to the younger version of his lover, Die forced the man into a position where he was able to pull Toshiya towards him and meet him halfway in a kiss.  
'No nono...I have to  get thi-...' but Toshiya's protests were silenced when Die managed to press their lips together hungrily. Trying to regain control over himself, the guitarist managed to break away after a short while.   
'...this done.' Toshiya finished when their kiss broke. Smirking slightly as he looked up at Die above him and finally Die registered how this beautiful face was paying attention to him too.  
'I know.' he said, smiling back.  
A more comfortable silence now fell between them as Die let go of Toshiya's wrists and instead slipped a hand into his neck, the soft black hair stroking his fingers, and keeping him close for just another kiss against Toshiya's temple.

 

  
'It's been nice though... living a rather boring life for once. You doing your job... me doing mine... coming home everyday to just the two of us. ' Die said as he took his beer with him to the sofa and stretched himself out.  Wondering if Toshiya would follow him but knowing that it was in the bassists best interest if he didn't.

  
'Aren't you bored yet?' 

Die looked up at this question and shrugged a little, focusing back on the silent tv screen that he had flicked on. Knowing Toshiya wouldn't be able to work with dumb sounds blasting through the room.  
   
'...Not really.'  Obviously he had a good thing going.  
'But don't you miss it? Touring... recording... music.'  
Ah... there it was. Finally Toshiya was giving in to what he'd been trying fight these past weeks.  
  
'Well, I've still been doing that sort off... right?' Die replied, feeling a little mean as if he was rubbing it in Toshiya's face.

  
'...right.'

Noticing the heavy tone of that last word and knowing it was his own answer that had provoked it, Die looked back at Toshiya, holding out his arm as an invitation to join him on the sofa.  
'You miss it, don't you?'  
  
Die knew he did.  
He followed the man with his eyes as Toshiya closed his sketchbook, looking a little defeated but also a little relieved as he sank back under Die's arm.  
Softly stroking the shoulder his hand was now resting on Die decided not to turn on the tv, way to conscious of the man next to him and waiting for him to talk.  Not sure whether Toshiya wanted to resume the last topic or just forget about it.  
It appeared to be the latter.

'So... did you make any new songs?' Toshiya grinned, leaning close to whisper in Die's ear: 'You dirty two-timer...'   
Die raised a brow at this but quickly relaxed as Toshiya made a grab for his beer, feeling like an asshole for not offering the man one earlier.  
'Nah... just finished up on the last one. It's a different process with Decays,  we're still gettin' to know our dynamic.' Die answered but then deciding to get back at the remark Toshiya whispered so sexily into his ear. Glaring at him a little because it was typically Toshiya to make a snarky remark in a way Die could hardly get annoyed at.  
'Why do you always call me out...? Everyone else has side projects too, y'know.'  
'Yea... but they're not having sex with me.' Toshiya grinned and the squeeze in Die's hand told the guitarist he didn't have to take the remark seriously.

 

  
'I'm not having sex with you right now... should I be?' Die grinned back turning towards him and letting his nose trail slightly past Toshiya's own.  
'Die...'  
'Hmn?'   
Way to distracted already, Die let his lips dip lower into the lean neck underneath the black hair. Loving the way it tickled his face.  
'I really have to get this done.' Toshiya sighed and got Die only more intoxicated as his lovers bodylanguage didn't follow his tone of voice, rather pulling him closer instead.  
'Come on 'shiya... It can wait for 5 minutes.'  Die smirked, determined to keep Toshiya in a good mood by making a light joke. Not that they hadn't done it in 5 minutes before but this was not that type of situation where they were already riled up and hurried by uncomfortable but sexy circumstances (like toiletbooths.)  
His joke had the desired effect as he heard the bassist gasp and he was pushed away from kissing his lover neck.  
'5 minutes!?'  
Grinning, he saw Toshiya's amused face and let his hands glide over the neck he'd been kissing just moments ago.  
'Joking joking...' Die laughed '...10 minutes.'  
'Better...'

Hearing the laugh in Toshiya's reply, Die hungrily kissed him again, this time letting all his self control go and slowly pressing Toshiya back into the sofa with his weight.  
Usually it was the bassist who decided where they were going with this, Die always completely blanked out and lost himself in his hunger.   
In the early days Toshiya would always let Die devour him. In later years however, Toshiya getting an even bigger ego and more muscles, he'd take over control and have Die any way he wanted. There was nothing the guitarist could do in that type of situation, not even if he wanted to, Toshiya would drive him crazy with pleasure with a type of control that Die never possessed when it came to sex.  
His lover was a calculated evil creature in bed... Die loved him for it.  
This time that creature was nowhere to be found though so that even Die, brainless as he became during sex, noticed something was up.  
  
''Shiya... '

Die pushed himself up a little as he called out his lovers name and watched his face. Toshiya's eyes focusing back on him with a small jump and the smile that followed was not at all reassuring.   
Even so, he was still gorgeous and Die smiled back.  
Knowing where this brain was dwelling, Die leaned back down and softly pressed his leg between his lovers thighs.  
'Shiya, Focus ok... I'm trying to turn you on here.'  Giving the lips underneath him some small kisses, knowing Toshiya was afraid that this hiatus would become a reality, that the band would drift apart. Afraid he would lose himself and Die with him. Afraid of a life that was unchanging.  
Die knew all too well that Toshiya wasn't the type of person to sit still, and he'd been sitting still a little too long.

  
'I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here, right?' Die continued as he trailed his kisses back past the bassists jaw line and ear. There was no need to get to the bottom of this in some long dramatic conversation. That had never been Die's strong suit and probably also precisely what Toshiya didn't need.  Toshiya just needed to feel wanted, included, desired, necessary and invaluable.  
Which was exactly what he was to Die.  
'I'll proof it.' he whispered dangerously... more a threat than a promise and luckily it conjured back that sly grin on his lovers lips at last. Feeling the body below him relax and pull him closer. Toshiya's lips searching for his and he hungrily replied as Toshiya arched up against him, making Die's lust rise up in flames once more.  
Kissing eagerly and trailing a free hand over the man sides, they finally broke apart for a little air.

Catching the younger's eyes, Die grinned at him as sexily as he could and watched how the bassist melted slightly underneath his fingers and gaze.  
'Shit man...' Toshiya groaned.  
'What..?' Die asked, letting his hand slide further and dipping into the man's pants with ease. Wondering it Toshiya designed them like this on purpose... easy access.  
That would be hot.

'...I love you like crazy.'

Those breathless words caught Die off guard for a moment, his heart stopping as he looked down and lost his own breath too, seeing Toshiya sprawled underneath him, all soft breaths and hair sprayed everywhere over the  grey sofa cushions.  
'Good... now show me how crazy.' he demanded when he recovered, feeling warm and even more hungry as he let his fingers slip over Toshiya's hard cock still covered by his underwear. Kneading it slowly and extracting another groan from those sexy lips.  
As an answer Die felt hands pulling at the hem of his shirt, helping toshiya along with getting it off and groaning aroused when the bassist went on to his belt, ripping it from the loops before zipping him down and letting his hand pull out Die's hard cock at once.  
There was that creature that had gone missing just moments ago.

A strong hand pulled him back on top by his neck, feeling the man shift feverishly underneath him to push down his own pants, something Die was happy to help with. Feeling their lower bodies meet naked, his own member still clutched in his lovers fist and bringing his own together.  
'Die...' Toshiya panted against his mouth, letting Die focus back on the man's face as he'd been trying to peer down their bodies at what was happening.

'Mmn...yea babe. You ready?' he grunted with a bite at his lover lips and grabbing somewhere between the sofa for a hidden stash of lube.  
Toshiya seemed to struggle a little, eager but unable to get the right words out of him.  
Die snickered a little.  
'Look at you... all busy. Whats up baby?' he asked teasingly.  
'Need some more encouragement?'  
Toshiya looked at him defiantly, hitting Die in his side with his free arm, making the guitarist double over with a soft groan and laugh.  
'Obviously. Asshole.' Toshiya replied, but that dark look on the man's face only made Die want him more.  
'Don't worry, I have some good prepping in mind.' Die mused, letting a hand glide up Toshiya's neck and past his face. Fisting a hand full of hair as his hand slid back to the man's neck.  
'I will flip you over and eat you out.' He whispered dangerously once he yanked Toshiya's face in a proper direction so he could hear him well.  
'Fuck you hard... make you think of nothing but my cock filling you up, pounding your ass... ' die continued hoarsely and feeling Toshiya shiver underneath him with a sense of accomplishment.  
' I'm going to make you cry out...'  
Toshiya gave a strangled moan that meant Die was saying just the right things.  
Sitting up, Die shifted so he could flip the man over on his stomach. Toshiya complying at once and moving to support himself, arching off the bed when Die tore off his pants.  
With two hands on toshiya's hips, Die straddled the lean legs and perked that toned ass up towards him, burying his face against the small of toshiya's back before going lower.  
Toshiya back arched, beautifully Die thought, as his lips kissed straight between those cheeks. A hand soon helping him with full access as he let his tongue trace the tight muscle.  
Die wasn't the type to start slow, diving in at once... eating the man out as promised and lubing him up with saliva.  
Only when his tongue got tired of pushing though that glorious pink hole, he got some lube and poured it all over toshiya's back.  
'Die!'  
Seeing his lover look over his shoulder a little shocked, he grinned and threw the bottle away carelessly.  Stroking a hand over the mans back, smearing the lube towards his asshole and dipping in a finger without any warning. That shut his lover up as he heard a gasp, toshiya burying his head in his arms again and eagerly moving towards the sensation.  
'Mnn... what a mess we're making.' Die moaned, licking his lips and staring at the scene in front of him with hazy eyes.  Twisting in a second finger and watching toshiya's body react.  
Finger fucking that tight hole, he felt his own dick twitch excitedly. Moving forward he let it slap a few times against one of the cheeks  before letting go and moving his hand from the slick back towards toshiya's front. Putting some more force in with three fingers while teasing a nipple, pinching the small nub and moving lower quickly to grab toshiya's own length and feel it up.  
It earned him some beautiful moans that made him even more horny. He hardly believed it possible but this man drove him crazy to no point of return, not even when Toshiya groaned and made a smart remark about Die promising it would only take 10 minutes.  
'Just admit you want my dick.' Die replied, pressing Toshiya's cock against the man's inner thigh and rubbing it firmly.  
'Nnhfuck... YES...!' Toshiya murmured, sounding very frustrated.  
'I want your dick. Give it to me.'  
As much fun as it was to let Toshiya beg, Die was way too eager himself not to obey.  
Freeing both hands and positioning, he then let them glide over the lubed arched curve of toshiya's back before he pressed the man over himself by the hips. Groaning tensely as he felt the warmth of toshiya's body spread over his own, watching his cock sink deep into that tight ass.  
'Fuck... babe...' Die moaned, trying to get as deep as possible and making toshiya whimper in the process, gasping against the arm he was resting on for support, looking back at Die over his shoulder.  
An other small grunt as Die pulled out and pulled Toshiya's hips towards him again, snapping his own hips forward.  
'You like that?' he asked as he looked at the dark hazy eyes glancing at him hungrily, extracting a moan and a small nod from Toshiya.  
Die's blood boiled, his lover was being way to submissive this time and he couldn't say he hated it.  
At. all.  
'How 'bout this...?' he grunted as he started snapping his hips forward fiercer, sending Toshiya a bit further up the sofa and crying out softly. His lover one mess of pants and moans as Die fucked him hard and fast. The sounds of lube, skin and sounds of pleasure filling up the room.  
Die cursed under his breath, knowing it wouldn't take long for him. Trying to do his best, changing his angle until he had Toshiya crying out louder, calling his name as Die slammed up against his prostate and released one hip to let his hand firmly grab Toshiya's throbbing and leaking cock.  
The man tensed up underneath him, groaning as his orgasm struck.  
Die plunged his cock deep into the shivering body, getting pulled in by the tensing muscles. When he had more room to move, he got to it hard and deep once more before he unloaded his seed into Toshiya's ass with a shiver and a low satisfied grunt.  
Toppling half on top of toshiya's body, weak from the tension and kissing the shoulderblades that were now so close, Die panted and stroked over the sticky body underneath him.  
'..shit.' he mumbled, pulling out and getting more comfortable when Toshiya tried to turn around, catching Die in strong arms and the redhead buried his head into the now damp neck.  
They laid there for a while before Toshiya pressed his lips against Die's forehead, who was laying a little lower over his body, legs laced and tangled together in hug.  
'I... am not going to clean those stains.' Toshiya finally breathed, smiling a little as Die jerked up his head to look at him.  
Admiring the pretty smile, Die grinned back and shifted once again over the man's body, propping himself up by his arms, capturing Toshiya between them.  
Leaning down he slowly kissed the lips he loved so much and deepened it sweetly this time.  
  
'I love you too.'  he whispered when he broke away, mumbling it softly on his lovers lips.


	2. together in silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toshiya wants Die to notice how horny a live concert has made him, but Die is too busy bothering himself with the bassist's outfit choices.

'I'm still not sure why you're the only one wearing color, is all..' Die laughed softly as he looked at the new pictures just released on their website.   
  
'It breaks it up...' Toshiya answered irritated.  Tired and annoyed because they just finished up a live concert and Die didn't give him anything when they finished.   
Not a look, not a kiss or touch or... You know... anything that would make him feel different than the other members.   
He probably was even more frustrated with himself for having these childish thoughts and then Die decided to amp it up by just dumping himself into the sofa when they got home and starting up his laptop.  Making stupid comments about some fan mail and then ending up on their website again.   
  
Standing there in the door opening, still feeling sweaty from the concert (almost out of protest he refused to shower...) and looking at Die sprawled out with his feet on the coffee table with that goddamn laptop in his lap.   
That should be his place right now.   
Goddammit.

 

'What...?'  Die asked as he looked at the glare Toshiya was giving him.   
'Seriously? Are you retarded or what?'  
The guitarist frowned, shrugging and shaking his head lightly.   
'No... I was just joking...' Die replied. 'What's up, huh... you've been pissy all night.'  
  
Toshiya raised his eyebrow dangerously.   
'Pissy?'  
'.... 'Die raised an eyebrow right back at him. '........ yea.'   
  
'Alright, well...' Toshiya sighed, exasperated. 'First of all, You're not joking because this isn't the first time you're making fun of my outfit choices. Second... I'm "pissy" because you're completely ignoring the fact that I've been trying to make a move at you a gazillion times this night. THIRD... I'm the fucking designer I fucking know what to wear and what I want to fucking look like. Mister poncho guy. Besides, the stylist AND the photographer agreed with me. Have some respect since it's also one of my professions.'  
  
A long silence fell as Die observed Toshiya in the door opening, now leaning against it with arms crossed and giving him such an angry stare that even Kyo might flinch at it.   
  
So that's why he'd been asking Die to come with him to the dressing room... and why he'd been trying to interrupt the conversation between him Kaoru about their upcoming European tour. Why he'd been helping Die tie his hair up... letting those fingers slide more over his shoulders before they got interrupted and Die getting distracted by a crew member asking questions about his guitar...  
  
'... A gazillion, huh?' Die repeated guiltily, closing the laptop.   
He only got a long seething silence for an answer.   
  
' 'Shiya I'm...' but it appeared that the bassist wasn't having it anymore.  Instead his lover had turned as soon as he started his apology and within a few second he heard the shower running and  a muffled: ' _Fuck you._ '  while some clothing was thrown into a corner.   
  
Shit... that meant that Toshiya didn't shower at the venue.   
Die wasn't sure if there was anything sexier than a riled up bassist, still smelling lightly of sweat, cologne, deodorant and just general... pheromones.    
  
Scrambling up, Die was pulling off his own shirt, undoing his pants while stumbling into the bathroom.   
  
'No... No no. Don't even think about it.' Toshiya growled as he looked at his half naked lover tumbling in.   
'You don't get to call me pissy and still cash in. _Fuck no_.'   
'But...'  
'Forget it. Help yourself asshole. I already have.'  
 Die stopped in his tracks when hearing this, still one sock on his feet.   
'really...? when?' he asked, maybe a bit too eagerly.   
  
'Jesus christ.' Toshiya sighed, looking from behind the fogged glass and almost having to stifle a laugh at the insane sight of Die realizing he missed out on Toshiya jerking off in a public place.   
'Wherever you want to picture me jerking off, I don't care. Just fucking leave.' Toshiya huffed.   
  
Die was glad to hear he didn't sound half as annoyed anymore.   
'Nah... I think I might give it a go here. Where I can see you.' Die answered, pulling down the toilet seat and making himself comfortable.   
  
Toshiya just huffed a silent 'whatever.'  an indifference that made Die cringe a little and go flaccid at once. So he just took off his one sock and started to brush his teeth. Leaving Toshiya to finish up showering while he, feeling rather pathetic, crawled into bed.   
  
The lights in the bathroom flicked off and a waft of shampoo drifted into the bedroom.    
  
'... Shiya.' he tried, as he gently tried to turn him around by his shoulder.   
  
The bassist jerked his shoulder loose. Toshiya wasn't sure why, but maybe the word "pissy" made him extra pissy, or just generally upset for some stupid reason.   
Perhaps he already felt rejected enough without having to be reminded that he constantly behaved like some lovesick puppy, crying for attention, while Die could be such an oblivious dickhead.   
He was a man. With testosterone.  Something else than all those girls Die had  previously dated, didn't he realize that by now after so many years?  
So what, if he knew how to dress well. Because fuckdammit, he dressed well and he wouldn't let anyone, not even his lover, tell him otherwise.    
  
And so they lay awake beside each other in silence for a long time, before being able to catch sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't been writing as much as I expected. Obviously the new profile pictures got me going.   
> I hope this will be continued XD


	3. Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after a fight can be a cold one... sometimes.

Soft bare footsteps walk past the room.

Light is peeking through the curtains, there's the sound of the coffee machine spluttering, a cabinet being opened and the clinking of ceramics on a counter top. 

 

Die opens his eyes.  
At once he notices the general looming sense of discomfort at ending the previous night with a quarrel. Normally these sounds would make him feel warm and longing to stay in a little longer to just listen.  
Not this morning. He'd been on the receiving end of a silent treatment and now finds himself in a rather cold bed.   
  
Shivering, he turns to his back and pulls the sheets up higher.   
  
His eyes flashing to the door, he wonders what went wrong so quickly yesterday. It had been a perfectly nice night for him... the concert went great and now they were able to sleep in their own beds and rest, lay in... not worry about a thing.   
He'd been looking forward to that.   
What the hell went wrong?

 

Sluggishly he tries to go over the details, what was said and done.. or rather not done.   
He could have sworn he almost had Toshiya smiling and then there had been that cold reply, not even answering to his touches.

Screwing his eyes shut, he delves a bit deeper.   
He'd made a remark about an outfit...? Apparently he'd been unresponsive to toshiya's advances (something Die could hardly imagine)... and... had there been something else? 

 

Sitting up, he groans softly and wipes his long hair back, thinking it's hardly fair that he has to deal with this pissy behavior constantly.   
...ah...  
ah yea... there was something about that as well. He'd used it yesterday, didn't he?   
For a moment he halts his thoughts as he tries to picture how he would feel if Toshiya called him pissy...  
It used to be hard to put himself in a lover's perspective, because they were girls, but Toshiya is something entirely different. Not just because he is a man but because of their similar interests, the longevity of their relationship prior to dating and also, although their reactions might be different, they feel the same way  about a lot of things. 

  
He pulls away from his thoughts as the door opens. Toshiya, grey shorts and white t-shirt, is standing in the door opening with two cups in his hands.   
A great sense of warm relief washes over the guitarist as he looks at his lover standing there casually and wearing a barely visible smile in the dark edges of his lips.   
'Hey...' Die mutters as he turns towards Toshiya who's moving to sit on the bed as well, handing him a mug.

'Morning.'

The warm feeling is washed away at once with this simple and casual reply. Was that smile just his imagination?

Die looks to see if Toshiya is going to say or do anything else while enveloping the warm cup in his cold hands.   
When he doesn't, Die sighs and a guilty frown forms on his brows. 

'Sorry about yesterday.' he starts.  
'I figured it's not cool to be called pissy as a man.'

Toshiya looks back at him a little blankly at this.   
'Ehm...' The bassist frowns a little as well, thought the smile in his lips is getting more apparent.

'No. It's not... but I don't think a girl would appreciate it either.'

 

Toshiya shifts a little to sit closer as he looks amused at the confused frown getting deeper, letting Die figure this one out for a second and taking a sip of coffee while he waits.   
  
'I... No I guess not...' Die replies finally, frowning more at his cup.   
'So now what?... Gonna ring up some exes to apologize?' Toshiya smirks, taking an other sip and watching Die intently, laughing a bit at how drowsy he looks.   
  
'Die, don't worry. I'm over it. Just next time when we finish a concert pay me some attention rather than insulting my outfit choices. We both know that's a battle you're going to loose anyway.'   
  
Die grins a little at this, though still not looking up from his cup and the frown still edged in his brows.  A silence falls between them and the guitarist feels himself struggle with an uneasy feeling of rejection, even with his lover sitting here so close.   
Was that how 'Shiya felt yesterday?    
What an awful feeling... and he was only feeling it because of a cold shoulder he got turned yesterday.   
Pathetic.  
Toshiya never really did something like this before either. He'd been given the silent treatment many times in previous relationships but it never bothered him.   
Now it did.   
What was worse, he probably earned this one.   
  
Die takes a slow sip from his coffee, not able to escape his weird train of thoughts.   
  
Then Toshiya sighs... not in an exasperated way like he normally would when Die is too slow to handle... but one of those uneven sighs that escapes when you're feeling too much all at once.   
Die looks up even more worried at the sound of such a particular sigh but is met with a smile and a hand prying loose the warm cup from his hands.   
'Who's being pissy now?' Toshiya asks softly, putting both cups on the nightstand and pulling Die in a kiss that he slowly moves upwards.   
  
He feels toshiya's lips on his cheek, his temple and finally between his brows which he is forced to relax in the process.   
'You're too sexy when you do that. Stop it.' He feels the bassist whisper against his skin and Die finally let's his worries go. Pressing his cold hands against his lovers back before sliding them down and trying to get under that crisp white shirt.   
He feels him shiver against the cold touch but there are no complaints, instead Die feels warmed up as Toshiya shifts closer, pressing Die down into the pillows in a tight hug.   
  
'I'm sorry too.'

Die feels the apology whispered into his hair and in response he tilts his head aside into the man's own dark hair that smells of shampoo, planting a soft kiss.   
Warmth washing over him in waves.   
  
...and wondering what the hell it was he was worrying about in the first place. 

 

 


End file.
